7 Ways to Protect Your Marriage
This Friday, Leah and I will celebrate our 21st anniversary. That number does not make us experts by any stretch of the imagination. We have our struggles and we’ve even got mad at each other a few times. (Shocking, I know!) I dare say there have been times when we may not have liked each other all that much, but we have always loved each other.
When we pray together, one of the things I always try to pray is that we will “protect our marriage.” In my private prayers, I pray that regularly, as well. To me, those words mean more than just “help us stay together” or even “help us love each other.” Protecting our marriage shows a great deal of willingness to be intentional, and reminds us that we are in this for more than just the short-term or for more than just some “fun.”
But how is that done, practically-speaking? While the list could be far longer, here are 7 ways to protect your marriage.
- Spend More Free Time Together than Apart. It is amazing to me how many couples have so many disparate interests that they never spend time in the same house, much less the same part of the house. Do not get so caught up in being your children’s taxi service that you never see one another.
- Read/Watch/Listen to Enriching Material. I will be honest, we are hit-and-miss about this, but we strive to learn more about marriage from good books and other materials. When we attend Polishing the Pulpit, we always try to attend a handful of marriage and/or parenting classes. Whatever it takes for you to have the time, it is an investment!
- No Porn. Period. Never. Not in any way, shape, or form. Not “soft-core,” not “hard-core,” not erotic literature. Not only is porn clearly a sin (see Matthew 5:28), but it also warps our view of what fulfillment in sexual intimacy is. It turns sex into nothing but a performance and a selfish act; not a gift for mutual fulfillment.
- Get Away Together. Trust me when I say that we understand that this is not easy all the time. For 7 years, we lived over 2 hours from our nearest family and had small children. But simply going for walks or investing in a babysitter even every couple of months so we could go out to eat made a world of difference. Trade babysitting nights with another family if you have to, but be a couple as often as you can and remove yourselves from the day-to-day grind in order to reconnect.
- Stop Comparing Your Marriage to the Movies. Instead, talk to a couple that has been married 50+ years and learn. The movies make it seem as if you can work anything out in 90 minutes and that it always ends just the perfectly. Life isn’t that way. Your husband is not a movie star. Your wife is not a starlet. There is no one writing a script for your marriage, and there are no producers making the scenery just right. Your marriage is more beautiful because you live it out in reality and work–through ups and downs–together.
- Have No Secrets (Except for Gifts for Each Other!). If your spouse is suspicious of your online activity, they should be able to have full access to your computer or phone. There should be no surprises about people you have been calling or texting, and any conversation is “fair game” for them to ask about. (Unless you are ordering a birthday/anniversary/Christmas gift! Don’t spill the beans on that!!!)
- Grow Spiritually. Too many marriages crumble because the foundation isn’t right. There is financial growth. There are budding and growing careers. There are parenting goals. There might even be a passionate sex life. But the foundation simply must be built upon Jesus if the whole structure is to stay strong. Do not miss worship. Have family devotionals. Attend Gospel Meetings together. Get the foundation right!
As was said before, there are plenty of other things you could add to this list. But if you are married, your marriage simply must be a priority if you are going to stay together and grow closer together. I do not want a roommate for life; I want a lifemate who will help me get to heaven. That takes work and effort. I’m praying for your marriage, that you will protect it with everything you’ve got.
Happy 21st, Leah. Here’s to 2100 more!
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AUTHOR: Adam Faughn
