7 Things You Can Say to Harm a Child
Leah and I have been thinking lately about the words and the tone we use around our children. We know we need to do better about how we say certain things. We want to be firm with them, but we also don’t want to destroy their child-like spirit.
Sadly, some parents never think about that, and just say anything to their children. What can we say that will harm a child?
1. “You’ll never be able to…”. That might be true in some cases, but a small child doesn’t need to hear it. Let a child experiment and try new things. If a child fails, he or she can learn from that failure. But by saying that they’ll never be able to do something, you are keeping them from striving for improvement.
2. “You’re stupid” (or dumb, or irritating, or annoying, etc.). If we tell a child one of these horrible characteristics, sooner or later (and probably sooner) the child will believe it. If we tell a child he’s stupid, we shouldn’t expect him to do well in school. If we tell a child she’s annoying, we shouldn’t be surprised when she acts out.
3. “You’re in the way.” There are times to say this, and there are times to avoid it like the plague. At “normal” times, a child is NOT in the way!
4. “Meet our accident.” Parents often talk about an unplanned child as an “accident.” What does the child think about that? The last time I checked, the Bible said that children (all children) are an heritage from the Lord!
5. “Can’t you do any better than that?” Maybe the child can’t, but there is a different way to say it! “That’s a good job, honey, but daddy’s going to help you do even better!”
6. For preteens: “Who’s your boyfriend/girlfriend?” This is one I have trouble avoiding, but we need to stop trying to pair off small children. Let the child have a childhood and stop trying to force them into some type of relationship. Even by kidding around about it, these words make it seem as though pairing up is just what you do.
7. Nothing. When a child asks a question or asks you to look at something, by all means, respond. Even if you say, “Daddy will in just a second, dear,” you have at least acknowledged the presence and request of the child. Don’t just let a child’s question “hang” out there. Over time, the child will learn just to say nothing to you.
——————-
What would you add?
4 Comments
Tasha Grace
Adam,
How the Lord works in mysterious ways. I came home from school early today because Sylas and I were sick, when I got home Jimmy and Hanna were here as well. Naturally, when you are sick you don’t think straight. I was frustrated before I even left my classroom and when I got home my frustrations got worse. Jimmy and I put the kids on our bed and let them watch t.v. while we talked about setting rules and consequences for each rule for our kids. As a teacher, we have to have rules in the classroom more than anything else or no learning will take place. Until, today I had never thought about have specific RULES at home. Of course, no running in the house, no yelling at your brother/sister, etc… are ones we think about all the time. However, if we have rules at home and are consistent with them, it helps relieve alot of the everyday frustrations that come with parenting and can also relieve our minds from such negative words we say to our children. I read somewhere that it takes 100 positive words to undo 1 negative.
Pingback:
Carol J. Alexander
Wonderful! Remember, just as we grow beautiful flowers with fertilizer, we grow beautiful children with affirmation.
Kaye Swain
Great habits to work on to encourage children rather than discourage them. 🙂