A Big Deal
When the phone rang, Donna immediately recognized the name. The caller and her family used to worship with our family years ago. Neither family lives in that location now. Both families moved over thirty years ago. As a result, we don’t see each other as often as we used to.
Our friendship seems to be one of those unaffected by time and/or geography. The caller and her husband are the kind of people with whom we can sort of “pick up where we left off” on those occasions when we do have the opportunity to be together.
When we did worship together, our children were just that – children. Obviously, that is no longer the case. Their daughter and our two children now are grown with children of their own. They and/or their spouses all have a career.
It is that last fact that prompted the phone call. All three of these younger men are preachers. As some of you know, I was also a “full-time preacher” for almost forty years.
One of the “occupational hazards” of preaching is that changes in location sometimes happen. At times, the changes are due to decisions made by the preacher and his family. Sometimes the decision is made by others. The news that a preacher is moving is no big deal to a lot of people.
However, this move is a big deal to our friend. Instead of driving five hours or so to visit with their daughter (their only child) and her family, our friends will now be making a trip of something like fourteen hours.
The phone call and the circumstances that prompted it reminded me that there are quite a few things that may be no big deal to a lot of people, but which present themselves as big deals to a preacher, his immediate family, and his extended family. Some of those things may be due to the relocation of the preacher and his family.
When preachers relocate, it often becomes difficult or impossible for there to be the sort of geographical closeness that is often the case with other families. That becomes a big deal when special arrangements have to be made for things that other families may never even give much thought to (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.). Ballgames, concerts, plays, recitals, awards ceremonies, etc. are very often not an option for grandparents. As a grandfather of five grandchildren, I can tell you that this is a big deal.
Even when the distance is not all that great, weekend visits are usually not an option. I can remember so well that, during the time when our son preached in Nashville, there were people who told us how happy they were that we were only a couple of hours or so away from him and his family. Some of them even assumed that we were able to see them on a regular basis.
What they failed to realize is that, while both he and I “put in as many hours” (or more) during the week as anybody else, neither one of us could decide to head out on Friday afternoon in order to spend Saturday and Sunday with the other. People have this funny notion of expecting their preacher to preach on Sunday!
This is not, by any means, being written in order to say “woe is me” because I chose to preach and/or because my son and son-in-law chose to preach. That is definitely not the case. I cannot think of anything else I would have rather done for almost four decades. My life has been enriched in so many ways. It is also an honor and a blessing to have two other preachers in the family.
All I’m trying to do is make a suggestion or two. I’m suggesting that you look really closely at the faces of a preacher, his wife, and his children. Look closely also at the faces of parents of preachers (and grandparents of preachers’ kids). Behind that smile, you may detect a hint of longing for family.
I’m also suggesting that you might decide to do all you can to make the preacher and his family really feel like they are a part of your church family. Please do not view the preacher as merely an employee. Please do not relate to his wife and children as some sort of “permanent (or temporary) guests” – or worse yet as strangers. Please do not assume that parents of preachers are so grateful for what the preachers are doing that it makes up for a desire that the family could be together more often.
While you can never take the place of an actual family member, maybe you could be a resident/substitute parent, grandparent, child, grandchild, or merely what everybody needs – a friend. That would really be a big deal.
In fact, that would be a huge deal.
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AUTHOR: Jim Faughn
