Building Up the Preacher’s Wife
She–along with elders’ wives–holds one of the most difficult “roles” in the Lord’s Church. It is difficult because it is not defined in Scripture, but is often “defined” by each member of a congregation, and she’s just expected to know that.
From talking with dozens and dozens of families over the years, allow me to let you in on a little secret. You may not believe it at first, but I promise you it is true. It is this: there is a very high likelihood that your preacher’s wife feels very lonely.
Her husband has dozens of people come up to him each week and basically tell him how great he is and share their lives with him. She might be holding two babies or might be trying to deal with one cranky member who is upset about an event being canceled–that she had nothing to do with. And, inside, she is alone.
Trust me…we have heard this from couples from all over and we have heard it over and over again. I would dare say the majority of preacher’s wives–if not the vast majority–feel lonely.
What can you do to help her? Here are a few simple things to keep in mind.
- Don’t See Her as a “Stop-Gap.” Maybe your congregation has shuffled through preachers a lot in recent years, so you figure they won’t be here long. And, maybe they won’t be. But wouldn’t you want a friend, even if it did end up being for a short time? (Oh, and maybe that attitude is one reason why preachers have left regularly!)
- Talk to Her about Her. If the only interaction you have with her is about her husband, that’s not healthy. She has opinions, feelings, and interests that are tremendously valuable and that she longs to share with others. You may just find that she is also way more interesting than her husband anyway!
- Let Her Work in Her Areas of Interest. “The preacher’s wife always teaches this ladies’ class.” What if she does not have the time? What if she simply is not an adult teacher? That is an unfair expectation. How would you like it if the roles were reversed and it was just assumed that you would do something because of your husband’s “job”?
- Seek Her Out. If your congregation has, say, 125 people, think about this: she simply cannot get to everyone at every service. She will probably try to say something to as many as possible, but there is just no way she will get to everyone. But why should that be on her? How about you seek her out to talk and interact? It is far easier for you to get to one than for her to get to 125!
- Pray for Her. She may never know you are doing so, but, in some ways, I’ll bet she does know it. Those prayers buoy her in ways that are unexplainable. And pray for her specifically and individually.
This is not being written because we have some major problem in our marriage or at Central. It is being written because we have known these feelings before and because we have interacted with enough couples that we know this is the feeling of many, many preacher’s wives.
These are special ladies. They are godly and faithful. They love the Lord and His Church. They are tasked with a very difficult role, and it is one that they basically got “by default.” After all, they didn’t major in “preacher’s wife” in college! But here they are, being faithful to the Lord, but often being very lonely on the inside.
You can help change that. No matter if you are her peer in age or not, your interest in her and your interactions with her will strengthen her more than you can know.
(And to the very best preacher’s wife in the world, Leah, I love you. There is no way I could do what I do without you, but you are also way more interesting than me. Those who know you individually are blessed beyond measure.)
AUTHOR: Adam Faughn