How Finally Looking at a House Taught Me a Lesson about Grieving
As I write these words, I am in a hotel room in Dexter, Missouri. About 10 miles away is the town of Bernie, where I am speaking in a Gospel Meeting this week. However, just about one mile in another direction is a landmark in my life, and because the trees have not put on their leaves yet, I can see part of it as I eat breakfast each morning.
It’s the house I grew up in; a comfortable split-level with a nice front porch. From just before my 3rd-grade year until just after my freshman year of college, that was “home.” And, then, we moved.
Some of you are going to read this next sentence and think I’m a weakling or just a bit overly dramatic, but stick with me. For almost 15 years, though I came back to Dexter at times for various reasons, I could not look at the house.
It can be seen from the main highway that runs through town, and I would have to just close my eyes or look the other way. When I stayed in this same hotel, I would avoid looking in that direction.
However, just a handful of years ago, we went to visit an old neighbor, and I decided to look. Though a tear came to my eye, I was fine. This week, mom and dad came to visit, and we drove by it. We talked about it and I enjoyed seeing it.
Why do I tell you this little oddity from my past? Because, each time I see someone grieve in a way I do not understand, I try to remember this quirk in my history.
When people lose a loved one or a job, or when there is a major life change (such as a move), people react in different ways. Some grieve outwardly in a very strong way. Others busy themselves and try to keep their mind occupied (guilty as charged!). Some may not show outward signs of grief but are torn up inside. And some do not grieve much, but just “move on” with their lives.
Which is right and which is wrong? The answer is that there is no right or wrong way to grief or to handle change in life, so long as we do not allow sinful activities or thoughts to occur.
It is why funerals, though they often have similarities, are so diverse. For example, you may hear a song played at a funeral and wonder why in the world that would ever be played in that setting, but the family is crying unceasing tears. It is only later that you find out that their departed loved one used to sing or play that song around the fireplace or while driving down the road.
It is why some people move to a new city and jump right into their new life and work, while others stay at home and barely get out for the first weeks or months. They could be still grieving that they had to leave friends behind, or a job they loved dearly.
Some read my little “quirk” earlier and probably thought, “That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s just a house!” And others read it and immediately thought of a house, a gravesite, a hospital, a nursing home, or even a school that they have not laid eyes on in years for just the same types of reason.
My point is this: when it comes to grief and life changes, let’s all do our best to encourage one another, but also to give some grace if someone else does not handle these difficulties in life in just the same way we might. Let’s never allow another to sin during these times, but let’s always make sure we seek to allow people to grieve in their own unique way.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to eat breakfast and look at the corner of my old house.
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AUTHOR: Adam Faughn
