Not Quite 23
When this post is published, Adam and Leah will have celebrated 25 years of marriage the day before. Adam wrote a beautiful tribute to both Leah and God’s institution of marriage. No one could be happier for them or respect that success more than I. I am blessed to be surrounded by many examples of faithful Christian marriages.
On the other hand, I was asked to speak recently for our congregation’s newly-formed widows and single ladies group. [Side note: we are looking for a much cooler name!] As someone who fits into the second of those categories because of divorce, I am choosing to share some of what I said to that crowd in an effort to encourage those who may also be in a similar boat.
I began by sharing some words that I think may apply to all the ladies in the group, whether single, single again because of divorce, or widowed. Those words were loss, grief, and “unfulfillment.” I quickly followed those three words with a different three that I choose as focal points instead: opportunity, strength, and worth.
People who are single have opportunities that married people do not. All Christians are told to “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil,” in Ephesians 5:15-16. Paul dealt with this specifically in reference to married and unmarried people in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 where he wrote: “ I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” Again, absolutely no disrespect to those who are married, but without the need to share oneness with another human, I have the opportunity to focus on Christ.
I’ve known many strong people in my life, but I have had to learn a different kind of strength, and more importantly, the source of true strength since becoming “re-single.” Some verses to help us all with our strength include:
- Psalm 27:14: “Wait for the Lord;be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
- Psalm 73:26: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
- Ephesians 6:10: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.” (emphasis mine)
Finally, I want to examine the idea of worth. Jon Podein, in the Jenkins Institute devotional book titled My Family wrote these words about being single in the church: “To be single has more to do with our individual relationship to God, that it does with our marital state. […] The first responsibility of every person is to mature himself in Jesus Christ.” God created each of us specially and uniquely (Psalm 139:14). Philippians 3:8 reminds me that no matter what I have lost – a spouse to death or the life I expected to live with a loving partner – if I have Christ, I have my true worth: “For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Romans 12:6 reminds me that the gifts I have come from God, and no matter my status on earth, I am to be busy using those gifts.
To my single, or re-single friends, see opportunity, strength, and worth where they really are … In Christ!
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)
AUTHOR: Amber Tatum
