Politically Correct Fairy Tales

We love reading to our children. There are so many reasons this is true. One reason, though, is that we can choose to instill so many positive values in them through our selection of stories and literature. While a lot of books and stories are basically just “fun,” we try to expose them to positive, encouraging, and moral stories that we hope will build within them a desire to be the best they can be.

And that’s why I’m thankful that many of the tales were written before the era of political correctness.

In our “everyone is equal” and “no one loses” world, I can only imagine how certain fairy tales would be told. While the following are meant to be satirical, it is sad how many people would think these updates are more appropriate than the originals.

Enjoy this satirical list, and add your own “updates” in the comments!

The Tortoise and the Hare

In this everyone-gets-a-trophy revision of the classic story, the tortoise gets right to the finish line, then must wait for the hare to catch up, so they cross the line at the same time. After all, we can’t have “winners” and “losers.”

The Ant and the Grasshopper

This story only has to have an epilogue added. The ants work hard all through the year and are prepared for the harsh winter. However, as that winter comes, they must take their harvest to a central location where some “lead bugs” divide up their hard-earned food and give some evenly to all the insects. It’s not fair that some have and some don’t, so we have to be sure that all have an equal amount.

Jack and Jill

Feminists cry out for a rewriting of this short poem, because it is obviously gender biased in that Jack always rolls down the hill first, and Jill comes “after.” So, a second version is written where Jill gets to be the lucky one to tumble down the hill first.

The Three Little Pigs

The story remains the same until after the wolf cannot blow down the brick house of the third pig. At this point, the wolf sues the pigs and wins punitive damages for harming his fragile self-image.

Old Mother Hubbard

This short tale becomes boring, but at least it’s “p.c.,” when the old woman opens her cupboard and finds…you guessed it…some of the grain from the ants who had it redistributed from another story.

Pinocchio

As the young puppet-turned-boy continues to grow up, he decides that his rights have been violated by Geppetto, so he starts a social media campaign to destroy the reputation of the older man. Despite spending his life savings on a firm to help represent him, Geppetto loses in the court of public opinion, and is never heard from again.

COMMENTS: What are some other fairy tales you can see being rewritten so they are more “politically correct?” Share yours in the comments!

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Photo background credit: J.E. Theriot on Creative Commons

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