Some Suggestions for Hospital Visiting Etiquette

I recently did some unplanned research at one of our local hospitals. After two trips to the emergency department in less than twenty-four hours, the nice people there invited me to be their guest for a couple of days or so.

I am not unaccustomed to being in hospital rooms, but, thankfully, the vast majority of my time spent in one has been as a visitor and not as a patient. Even though I have been in more hospital rooms as a visitor than I can even try to guess, I do not consider myself to be an expert about how visitors should conduct themselves. In fact, I tend to leave every experience wondering if what I did while I was in the room was appropriate, helpful, appreciated, sufficient, etc.

My recent experience has allowed me to do some thinking from the perspective of at least one patient. The suggestions below are just that – suggestions. They are just some things that I hope I will remember as I visit others. Maybe you can find something to help you as well.

• Enter
  • I need to see if there are any precautions or warnings posted on the door and do not assume that they are there only as decorations and/or that they do not apply to me. (I could tell you some ‘horror stories’ about a previous hospital stay that I had a few years ago during which some people actually said that they knew that the NO VISITORS sign we had posted on the door did not mean them. Can you guess what I wanted to tell them?) 
  • I need to enter only after knocking on the door or, if it is open, asking if it is ok to enter. Some uncomfortable and/or embarrassing things sometimes happen in hospital rooms. Even if the door is open, a curtain may be around the bed for a reason.
• Evaluate
  • the environment
    • Is there another patient in the same room? If so, that might have an impact on the type, volume, and length of any conversations. It would also be good to at least acknowledge that they are there. In fact, they might appreciate a visit as well. 
    • Are there all sorts of tubes, wires, and/or other equipment in use which would make communication difficult?
  • the condition of the patient
    • If the patient is asleep, my thinking has always been that he/she may need that more than whatever I could do with a short visit. Whether I’ve made the “right call” or not, I’ve been known to drive an hour and only leave a note or card after getting no response after saying the patient’s name a time or two in a way that I hoped would awaken them without startling them. I’ve had some people express appreciation later for letting them get some much needed sleep. I’ve had others express disappointment about the fact that we didn’t get to have a conversation. I guess that this is not an exact science.
    • Is the patient in a great deal of pain? If so, another visit at another time might be a wise choice.
  • the time of day
    • The hospital staff wakes patients up often enough very early in the morning or late at night. I need to keep that in mind as I “time” my visits.
    • I need to at least attempt to not make a visit when the patient is receiving some sort of treatment, in therapy, or when a medical professional is in the room for a consultation. I understand that these things do not happen on a regular schedule, but I can at least try to avoid those situations.

• Engage
  • I don’t just stand there and act like I’m looking at a museum piece (or worse). If the patient feels like talking, I need to engage him or her in conversation.
  • It might even be advisable to let the patient talk about things of interest to him/her. They may want to talk about trivial matters or their hospitalization may have caused them to think and talk about matters of an eternal nature. 
  • In conjunction with that, I might also need to remember that most of the people with whom they have had conversations while lying in that bed have been discussing the medical condition of the patient. He/she might appreciate talking about something else for a change. 
• Encourage
  • I cannot imagine what it must feel like to be lying in a hospital bed, talking about my medical condition with a “friend,” and having that person tell me about a person who had been in the same condition or same procedure and who never was the same again or died. As unbelievable as it may sound, those conversations do happen in hospital rooms.
  • I do not need to leave the impression that I think that the patient or the family has chosen the wrong hospital, doctor, etc. 
  • I do not need to be guilty of suggesting what, in reality, could be false hope, but I don’t need to leave the impression that there is no hope.
• Entreat 
  • There may not be a better time or place than in a hospital room to find out whether or not I believe in prayer. (This might be a good time to mention something that the late brother Charles B. Hodge, Jr. said and wrote. His “philosophy” was that he did not believe in prayer. He believed in God and that was why he prayed.)
  • I may want to keep the following things in mind when/if I pray
    • Am I really in a position where I can address God as my Father? Will my prayer make it to the the throneroom of heaven or – as the saying sometimes goes – make it no farther than the ceiling in the room?
    • Am I merely fulfilling some real or perceived “role” as a Christian or am I praying as one member of the Lord’s family for another member or dear friend?
    • Any prayer offered needs to truly be a prayer and not some sort of rote, formalized recitation. (I had one of those during my recent stay in the hospital. I’m certain that the “lady chaplain” meant well, but it seemed like a performance to me.)
• Exit
  • As weird as this may sound, lying in a hospital bed can be very tiring. This is also the case for any family members that may be with the patient. 

Most preachers have been reminded that a sermon does not have to be eternal to be immortal. It could be that something similar to this is true with regard to hospital visits. They do not necessarily have to be lengthy to be greatly appreciated.

I realize that this may not always be true. There may, in fact, be exceptions to this. A patient may, in fact, want me to stay – maybe even longer than I had planned. This may be a good time to try to hone my  “evaluation skills” suggested earlier. Maybe I need to try really hard to do a good job of trying to “read the room.”

I spent some time while I was in the hospital and since I’ve been home thinking about this post. It is, by no means, the “ultimate guide to hospital visiting etiquette.” It merely contains some observations from one man who is thankful for the opportunity to see things from a different perspective, who appreciates all of the kindness shown to me in any way, and who has had the opportunity to evaluate his own efforts in this area.

---

Subscribe Via Email for Free

AUTHOR: Jim Faughn