Sometimes It’s Tough
Now, there’s a wide open topic for you! Let me narrow it down just a bit by saying it is sometimes tough to be an elder’s wife. I’m aware that it is sometimes tough just being a wife, even if your husband doesn’t serve in this capacity. I also am aware that it is sometimes tough being married to a preacher. I’ve lived that life for a long time.
However, being the wife of an elder has its own challenges and I would like to share some of those with you.
- He can’t share everything with me. Before he became an elder one of the greatest qualities of our marriage was that we could always share what was bothering us. We’re very attuned to one another and can usually tell by body language or facial expressions that something is off. We would sit down and talk it through which always made things better. However, there are things that elders deal with that cannot and should not be shared with anyone, including their wives. I handle this by praying for God to help him and trying to do what I can to make life at home peaceful.
- Serving as an elder takes a great deal of time, and therefore, we have less time to spend together. An elder who is truly serving as a shepherd over the flock will have to spend a great amount of time doing the work. There are meetings which sometimes go on for hours and there are visits that need to be made. There are people who think that serving as an elder is merely a title, but nothing could be farther from the truth if he is truly serving. Read John 10:1-5 sometime and the picture is clear about the relationship of the sheep to the shepherd, which takes time to build that relationship.
- Some people think that elders should be at everything that is going on within the congregation every time the activity is happening. Now let me hasten to say that elders need to be aware of activities going on within the congregation, making certain that they are healthy activities. However, it is not necessary for elders to be at every activity, and, in fact, that would be physically impossible. I recently heard a man challenge an eldership to come and take part in an activity in which he is very much involved. The truth of the matter is that some of them had been to that activity even though some time had passed since they had been there. Had the man discussed this challenge privately with the elders it would not have been so hard for me. Many people have one pet program in which they are involved and while that program is very beneficial, it isn’t the only one. It is physically impossible for elders to be at everything.
- Serving as elders is often a “thankless” position. Now before you think that I am saying that they should be placed up on a pedestal, let me assure you, I am not saying that! They are merely a part of the congregation. However, let me hasten to also say that there is a reason that they were selected from among the congregation to serve in this capacity. They were willing to take on the responsibilities of oversight of a congregation. They had fulfilled the requirements set down in Scripture and willingly accepted the responsibility. However, often they are used by people when their need is great, but ignored by others when it doesn’t suit them. Our congregation is great about thanking our elders publicly and often. However, there are times when much time and effort has gone into trying to work out some problem scripturally, and they are ignored. Maybe I should say that it is often a thankless position here on earth, but their reward will come in the next life (1 Peter 5:1-4).
This list of “tough” things is something that has been on my mind recently. I hope it makes you think about these men who have a huge responsibility on their shoulders. I would also like to ask you to remember the wives of these men who strive everyday to support them in this work. Sometimes it’s tough!
“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning…” (Hebrews 13:17)
AUTHOR: Donna Faughn