The Wrong Question
In some ways, this is a “follow-up” to a recent post by Adam Faughn and a podcast he and Leah Faughn did together. He wrote and they talked about what I consider to be some very good thoughts about the criteria that should be used by parents as they consider youth programs of various congregations.
In another way, this post reflects a long-held belief of mine. It is my opinion that too many parents ask the wrong question when their children come home from some activity.
Before you think I’m getting too “preachy” or am coming across as “holier than thou,” please let me dispel that notion – quickly. When our children were growing up, I asked the very same question. In fact, I think that, at one time or another, every parent has asked this question.
There are times when this question is appropriate. There are also times when a much better question could be asked.
So – what is the question that I am questioning? Here are a couple of versions of it:
“Did you have fun?”
“Did you have a good time?”
There are a couple of reasons why I am suggesting that this is the wrong question to ask. One of those reasons is a “worldview” or “philosophy of life” reason.
Sooner or later, we are confronted with the truth that life is not always fun! As (if) we mature, we learn that we will be called upon to do things that are far from being enjoyable. We may have a stressful job working with people who are difficult to work with and a boss who is unbearable. Illnesses and/or disabilities may come our way. Some of the responsibilities of rearing children are often no fun. Neither are the stresses of dealing with and caring for elderly parents. Financial setbacks or failures are certainly not enjoyable.
The list could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. All of us are met with many unpleasant things in our lives. If we constantly ask our children (or in my case our grandchildren) what I am calling the wrong question, we may very well be setting them up at an early age for a very unpleasant life.
If a person grows up thinking that life is always supposed to be fun and/or that they are always supposed to have a good time, what will they do when their job is no longer fun or if they are no longer having a good time? Will they always be bouncing from job to job?
What if their marriage is no longer fun? What if they are not having a good time with their current spouse? Will yet another couple be heading for divorce?
What will they do when their elderly parents begin to need their help? Will they turn their backs on them?
What about their finances? If their current income does not allow them to have the “fun” or “good time” to which they think they are entitled, will they incur a debt from which they can never recover? Will they turn to some immoral or illegal sources for money?
Those are some of my thoughts about the “big picture” of what I believe is the wrong question. I also have some thoughts about how that question has a negative impact on parents who, at least ostensibly, are trying to rear their children in a Christian environment.
One of my thoughts has to do with parents and grandparents who have their priorities totally turned upside down. These are the parents who make sure they get their children to all of the “fun” things (ballgames, concerts, parties, etc.), but see no need to involve their children in worship services or regular Bible study (either at home or in classes provided by a local congregation).
These are the parents who, when their adult children are living unfaithful and, in some cases totally ungodly lives, have told me, “They know better.” I cannot tell you how often I’ve wanted to respond, “Considering how they were reared, how would they know better?” (I guess I’m either too kind or too much of a chicken to say that, but I think it is a legitimate question.)
My second thought is that, in far too many cases, the wrong people are in charge of the family. It is my observation that the children are “calling the shots” far too often. Your Bible puts the responsibility of rearing children in God’s ways in the hands of the parents. Specifically, the responsibility is that of the father. Every father, including this one, should read, reread, and apply the following words:
And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4, NKJV, emphasis added).
Now that I’ve probably angered a lot of parents and grandparents, let me add one final thought. If you are, in fact, really serious about rearing your children to love and serve the Lord, let me suggest some questions that might be helpful.
As you choose a congregation, you might evaluate what is offered to the youth. Are the classes, activities, etc. planned only for enjoyment or are they also designed to teach a reverence for God and His Word?
You might also ask your children when they return home from some church sponsored activity something like the following:
What did you learn?
How did you serve?
Do you love Jesus more?
Has your appreciation for His church grown?
Nobody – especially our precious young people – needs to be subjected to an experience during which faithful Christians of another generation are laughed at and the church of the Lord is ridiculed. Sadly, we now have at least one generation that has had that experience at various youth functions.
During their formative years, those people had a lot of fun. They are now becoming – or have already become – “leaders” in many congregations.
Could that be at least one reason that pulpits that once sounded forth distinctive, practical, profitable, and biblical teaching now produce some sort of motivational speech with (perhaps) a passage of scripture thrown in somewhere? Could that be the reason that classrooms that were once devoted to Bible study are now little more than a place for sharing feelings, group therapy, and discussions of current events? Could that be why some “worship services” look and sound more like rock concerts? Could that be why entire congregations are no longer distinguishable from anybody else (including various self-help and benevolent organizations with no ties to any sort of religion) with regard to lifestyle, morality, and teaching?
Those who know me know that I love to have fun. I honestly don’t think that I’m viewed as “an old stick in the mud” with no sense of humor. The truth is that my sense of humor has caused me more trouble at times than I prefer to remember.
However, I pray that those who know me also think of me as a person who wants people to go to heaven. I fear that people will not have that privilege if they (I) think that life is all about having fun and/or having a good time
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man (Eccl. 12:13, KJV).
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AUTHOR: Jim Faughn
