What Is (and What Should Be) Expected of a Preacher’s Wife

For my entire life, I have been around preachers’ wives. My mom is one. My wife (of course) is one. My sister is one. My wife’s sister-in-law is one. In addition, our family has become good friends with many preacher’s families throughout the years. Also, I have read a great deal written by these sweet ladies and heard many conversations.

All that said, one of the common struggles of these godly Christian women is that there are expectations placed upon them by a congregation that are simply not right. Sometimes, those expectations are spoken and overt, while at other times (I believe) people do not even realize what they are “saying” to the wife of the preacher simply by the way they interact with her.

Today, I want to share some of those wrong ways, and then the simply-stated solution.

Four Ways They are Often Treated

While this is not meant to be an exhaustive list, here are four ways I have seen (and heard of) the wife of preachers being treated at various congregations, none of which is Biblical or good.

The Assumed Employee. Since her husband is “on the payroll,” it is just assumed that she does not mind doing anything. Often, these ladies are basically told to do light secretarial work, or they are assumed to be in charge of various women’s ministries that do not fit their interests at all. Of course, she needs to be involved, but she is not just hired help!

The Ostracized Outsider. She didn’t grow up there. They moved to town. Therefore, she is not one of “us.” Whenever the gals go out for coffee or a quick trip to town to shop, guess which “gal” is never asked, only to find out about the outing later as she scrolls through social media? Other ladies figure she invades their turf (and may not stay long anyway), so why bother trying to include her?

The Unofficial (and Unbiblical) Lady Pastor. While everyone knows she isn’t one of the elders (pastors), she might as well be. Every problem any lady has, every ladies’ ministry idea, every slight…they all come to her, figuring she has “the ear” of church leadership and will get it taken care of. In effect, she is more than a mentor, she is being treated as something that is totally unbiblical.

The Presumed Bible Expert. She married the preacher, so it is just assumed that she has the equivalent of a Ph.D. in Biblical studies, and probably minored in New Testament Greek while she was at it. So, whether she has in interest in various age groups or not, she is presumed to be the teacher of all the ladies’ classes, the leader of all ladies’ devotionals, and the one who everyone else waits on to raise her hand in Bible class with the answer. Yes, she should know the Bible, but she is growing and learning just like everyone else!

If you think that these are written in an extreme way, you may be right in some cases, but you also may want to spend some time truly listening to the heart of preachers’ wives. Trust me, if you put yourself in enough conversations with these sweet and godly women, these are not extremes at all for far too many of them.

What Should be Expected

The truth should be found in Scripture. You can read the New Testament and you will search in vain to find some official listing of qualifications for a preacher’s wife.

However, that is not to say that there should not be expectations. What should they be? They should be the expectations of any other Christian lady at whatever stage of life this sweet woman happens to find herself in.

She will not be perfect, but she is seeking holiness each day because she loves the Lord.

She may not want to teach a ladies’ class, but she may work behind the scenes organizing the greatest Bible school program for children the congregation has ever seen.

She may not know the answer to a Bible question you have, but she is going to go home and, through prayer and study, think about that, because she wants to grow in her knowledge of Scripture, as well.

She may mess up and not do what you think she should do (visit enough, send enough cards, etc.), but she is home raising children who love the Lord or preparing for the next ladies’ class she will teach. After all, she, just like you, simply cannot do it all, but she, like you, is seeking to do her best.

Above all, she is going to love God (Mark 12:30) and she is going to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33). Isn’t that all any Christian wife is expected to do?

NOTE: This article is an early birthday present to my favorite preacher’s wife. I love you, my sweet Leah, and it’s an honor to be your husband and your preacher.

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AUTHOR: Adam Faughn

Photo background credit: Ben White on Unsplash