What to Do with Older Members of Your Congregation
As I rapidly approach my seventies (a little over a year away), I am finally beginning to realize that I am no longer a young man. There are certain things that serve as (not so subtle) reminders of that.
The mirror is one of those things. As hard as I try and as much I would like for it to be the case, I no longer see the reflection of a man with smooth skin and brown hair. I’m actually seeing wrinkles, age spots, sagging skin, and white hair. When did that happen?
My muscles and bones are also informing me that I am not as young as I used to be. Whatever happened to that boy who could run and play without having to worry about aching muscles and joints? I used to not understand what people were talking about when they said they were hurting in places where they didn’t even know they had places. I’m understanding that a little better as the years go by.
When I look at our adult children and our growing grandchildren, I am once again reminded of my age – and my mortality. One set of our grandchildren has already lost one of their grandfathers. I realize that, if things “run the usual course,” they will someday lose all of us.
At times, there are events and/or references to events that remind me of my age. I almost could not believe it when I read that Memorial Day of this year was also the one-hundredth anniversary of the birth of President John F. Kennedy. I still remember him as he looked when he made that fateful trip to Dallas. I was reminded, though, that I was a sophomore in high school on that day. I now have a grandson who is about to start his junior year in high school.
One of my concerns about my age is that I am now part of a group of people that, in some ways, create challenges for many churches. Many younger Christians don’t know exactly what to do with those of us who are older.
From my observations and from some personal experience, it seems that “the elderly” are dealt with in one or more of the following ways. Those ways can be summarized with three words: put, pushed, pedestal.
Some are Put on a Shelf
All too often (at least in my opinion), older members of congregations are put on a shelf. Either they figure that they have reached some sort of spiritual retirement age and/or the other members have come to that conclusion. It seems to be the case that either those who are older or those who are younger believe that the older members no longer have anything useful to offer. Their ideas, talents, etc. may have been useful at one time, but that time is long gone.
Like some sort of family heirloom that may be displayed as a reminder of “what once was,” these older members are there, but no longer used. As time goes by, some other items may be placed on the shelf with them. The effect of that could be that they are rarely seen, considered, or appreciated.
Some are Pushed Out of the Way
It is sometimes the case that older members are pushed out of the way. Younger, energetic, and (do I dare type this?) rude members will care nothing for the devotion, the willingness to continue to serve, or the feelings of those who are older. Passages in God’s Word about the respect that Christians are to demonstrate to one another are ignored when there is an agenda to promote, a program that needs to be implemented, and/or method that needs to be employed.
Those who push the elderly out of the way fail to consider a lot of things. Among those things is the fact that the congregation they are in the process of tearing apart with their attitudes and by their behavior would not even exist without the efforts, dedication, and financial support of those who are being pushed out.
By the way, in case you think that I am overstating the case on this point, I am aware of an incident that hits pretty close to home in which a somewhat older Christian lady was literally pushed out of the way by somebody who was younger as she tried to help serve food to a group of young people who were visiting a local congregation. It was not the case that older lady was too slow or was not doing a good job. It was merely the case that the younger person had somebody else in mind and unceremoniously and physically “dismissed” her sister in Christ.
Some are Put on a Pedestal
It is not healthy for older people (or any people for that matter) to be on a pedestal. Our loyalty is to be to Christ. Our loyalty is not to be to a brother or sister who has, in the mind of some, “earned” that loyalty by virtue of years of service. How many congregations are held hostage by the opinions (or the supposed opinions) of “old brother _____” or “old sister _____?”
How often have you heard such things as these?
“When he was an elder here…”
“When they were in charge of that…”
“They are ‘founding members’ here.”
“They provided the land (or finances) for our church building.”
“Nobody can teach/preach/lead singing like…”
Sometimes the pedestal is so tall that one wonders of the name on the church sign should be the name of the brother or sister who is held in such high esteem.
Conclusion: The Proper View
I am a “card-carrying member of the ‘never trust anybody over thirty’” generation. I didn’t understand that mindset then. I certainly do not understand it now. I would like to think that the way over thirty crowd still has something to offer.
As we all know, as our Lord prepared for the cross, he prayed for unity among all believers (cf. John 17:20-21). The New Testament makes it abundantly clear that doctrinal unity is vitally important. Multiple passages could be cited here as evidence of that.
Multiple passages could also be cited that practical unity is also important. Christians of all ethnicities, geographical areas, backgrounds, economic and educational levels, and generations need to be –
eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Eph. 4:3, ESV).
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AUTHOR: Jim Faughn
