When OK is Not OK

Two letters–OK–may be doing a lot more damage than many of us realize. It is my opinion that the damage begins in many homes and that it begins when children are very young.

How many times have you heard a parent say something like one of the following to a child (sometimes a very small child)?

• “You need to eat your vegetables. OK?”
• “It’s time to go to bed. OK?”
• “Please be quiet. OK?”
• “You need to clean your room. OK?”
• “Speak when somebody speaks to you. OK?”
• “You need to thank people when they do something for you. OK?”

The list could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Many children are being reared in an environment in which there are no real expectations from the parents. Instead, there are only nebulous hopes that the child will somehow agree to do what the parent wants him or her to do. There are no real rules. At best, there are only suggestions. Of course, it would naturally follow that, if there are no real expectations or rules, there can be no consequences and/or punishment.

So, what is the danger involved in all of this? Sooner or later the child will interact with others who are outside the family. Some of those “others” may actually exercise some real authority. How are they going to deal with that?

What are they going to do when they have a school teacher who has some real expectations concerning behavior and/or performance and who doesn’t care whether or not those expectations are OK with the students? What are they going to do when they learn that the person who signs their paychecks actually expects them to actually work for that money. I don’t remember ever seeing “OK?” on a job description or contract.   

Let me give you a few more examples:

• Have you ever seen a sign along the side of the road with the following words?

Speed Limit

70 MPH

OK?

• Have you ever received the following correspondence from the IRS?

Payment must be made by April 15^th

OK?

• What about all of those utility bills and other bills you receive?  Do any of them have this by either the amount or the due date? – “OK?”

While I am concerned that a person brought up in an “OK environment” may not know how to deal with people who have some authority, I actually have a much greater concern. My concern has to do with the negative effects this may have for eternity.

Our Lord boldly declared that He has all authority (cf. Matt. 28:18). I do not remember any of His stated expectations for us being followed by, “OK?” 

However, a child who grows up hearing “OK?” all the time may almost expect that He just forgot to say it. He did not. In fact, what He did say on one occasion was:

“The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day (John 12:48, ESV).

Parents; please be parents. Stop suggesting and begging. Stop letting children decide whether or not they will obey you. The atmosphere in your home; the development of your children; and your souls and theirs are all at stake.

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AUTHOR: Jim Faughn

Photo background credit: sylvar on Creative Commons