When There Is Grief at Christmas
We watch a good number of Christmas movies in December. We have our favorites that we go through each year, and we might sneak in another one or two new ones. One theme that runs throughout most of these movies is happiness. Commercials also sell it. Songs celebrate it.
And, if we are honest, that’s what we want. We want Christmas to be about smiles and happiness.
A number of times over the last few years, though, I have heard something said (in various forms) that I’ve found interesting. I’ve heard people my age and older say things like, “The older I get, the sadder Christmas becomes.”
Now, I doubt that is true 100% of the time, but the sentiment is understandable. I’m now 45 and, while I love Christmas, it is emotionally harder than it used to be. A great deal of that is simply because we work so hard to make great memories on this day–and during this season–and now those memories are altered by loss, pain, and grief.
But some want to sweep all that under the rug and avoid it. I want to suggest today that, instead, we embrace it. I’m not saying that we make Christmas (or any other holiday) all about tears, but that we make it about memories–and sometimes they will be salted with tears.
How can we do that? These are merely suggestions, but let me share the following:
Allow People to Cry. There is no getting around it: Christmas is emotionally charged. As such, sometimes someone will cry because something “hits” them in just a certain way. Do not make them feel awkward for that. Allow them to cry. Hug them. Talk to them. Get them a tissue! Let them talk for a moment about it. (It may just be the most poignant memory of the entire holiday.)
Explain the Tears to Smaller Children. Kids, especially, want Christmas to be about fun and happiness…and now, grandpa is crying? Let them know that it’s okay and that these tears are expressing love and concern.
Create a Way to Honor Why You are Crying. Maybe the reason is truly fresh (a loved one died just in recent weeks, for example). Take a few moments to honor that person in some way that might just become a family tradition. Everyone is thinking about it anyway, so why not honor that?
Balance the Laughs and the Tears. While there may be pain that is raw, try to make the day one where there are still plenty of laughs and smiles. You will want to look back on the day as one where all emotions were shared, not just the negative ones.
These may not be earth-shattering, but in moments of difficulty, sometimes we need simple reminders. Maybe these will help you if your holiday is one that has grief attached to it.
AUTHOR: Adam Faughn
