How to Stop Quarreling

When I was growing up it was a pretty normal thing for kids at Studebaker Elementary to be found somewhere fighting. It was a part of the social order. Kids dared each other, challenged each other, and put each other up to it. There were always the willing participants, and those who were forced into action against their will, and then there were the people who never fought but just loved to watch it and talk about it. Looking back I only take one major lesson from all of the fighting I saw on the playground, at the park, in the cafeteria, and on the walk home: Most fighting never solves anything.

I think sometimes in the church quarreling exists because we have the same three classes of people. Those happy to fight, those thrust into the fight, and those who love to watch and talk about it. While for Christ’s sake we are commanded to defend the faith, about 99% of the battles that we deal with are battles of our own invention.  I don’t know what one of the three categories you fit into, but let me at least give you a quick formula for how you can walk away from the whole event altogether.

Jesus told a parable about a man who had 100 sheep. One of the sheep got lost, and so the shepherd left the 99 and went after the 1. He searched in the wilderness until he found it. When he found it, he laid it upon his shoulders, rejoicing (Luke 15:3-5). Good shepherds relieve weary and wandering sheep. They cause their troubles and anxieties to cease. They save by resting the hurting lamb on their shoulders. They climb with the sheep and carry it to higher ground. Jesus was telling a parable about Himself. He was telling us that He is to be identified as a shepherd. Shepherds are peaceful beings. They live a life of peace and they care for helpless animals. Love and joy and kindness characterize the way of the shepherd. The only fighting they ever do is a last resort, and the intentions are still to deliver the innocent.

What if we tried to be more like the shepherd? Jesus said many are like wolves.  Jesus said some are only helpless sheep. Jesus said some are not true shepherds, but rather just hired help, willing to stand by and watch the fight. But the loving shepherd is the one who really cares. He stands in the gap. He thinks of ways to feed and refresh the sheep. He considers it his pleasure to watch them live and grow in peace. He gets personal with them. He invests in relationships with them. The last thing he would ever want to see is one of his sheep in the middle of a fight.

We don’t have to be so quarrelsome. It is possible to go from a trouble maker to a peacekeeper. Peter went from sword slinger to soul saver. Paul went from persecutor to preacher. And since Pentecost, people have allowed the story of Jesus to change their hearts from insolence and hatred to hearts of knowledge and purpose and love. This is the gospel’s aim.

The easiest way to stop fighting is to be like the Shepherd. We do not have a Father who has His arms folded, accusing. We have a Father who is running to us with arms open. He knows the only true battle remaining is the battle we are having with ourselves. And He is here to catch us. He is here to end it. He is here to solve the problem. He is here to give us peace.

“He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young.” – Isaiah 40:11

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