6 Difficult Things about Being a Father to a Son

I love Turner! He is, truly, a “strong willed child,” (read: stubborn), but he is a joy. That strong will make him frustrating to deal with at times, but he is still “my boy,” and I’m thankful to God for him.

Even though he is still little (he’ll turn 4 years old in March), I already have certain fears when it comes to being his daddy. Here are a few.

1. I know my faults, and I want him to be better than me. This is true in nearly every aspect of life. I know not only my sins, but also just my weaknesses. But it is so hard to lay the foundation for someone to not just “be like you,” but to be better than you.

2. I know his strong will can be good in some ways, but it makes it hard to punish him. Many of you have children of both genders who give you this difficulty. Having a strong will isn’t all bad! In fact, if you want a child to be a servant-leader, it is part of the necessary “stuff” that is needed. However, that same strong will gets him into a lot of trouble, and makes it very hard to get a lesson to “sink in.” I want to find that balance.

3. It’s hard to think that he gets his view of maleness from me. While he is around many other men from time-to-time (in our family, at church, in our neighborhood), the truth of the matter is, he is going to get his picture of what it means to “be male” from me. That responsibility is tremendous, and one that takes constant awareness and evaluation.

4. Most likely, he will be in public what I am in private. Turner will see me at church and at the store and on the ball field, but he will also see what I do with my free time at home. He will see how I treat his mother, and he will see how I talk to people in private conversations. It is likely that this is what he will be like. That means there had better be a lot of prayer and a lot of thought about what I do in private.

5. He will carry my name, for good or bad. If the Lord is willing, there is a special boy out there somewhere who will gain the precious jewel we call “Mary Carol” one day. Part of that transition will be a new name for her. Turner, though, will always wear our last name. It is up to me to show him what that means, and to train him to wear it well.

6. He will be known as “Adam’s boy,” but I want to be known as “Turner’s dad.” In certain circles, people know my name. I don’t say that arrogantly, but that is just the nature of having a job that is even somewhat public. However, if I do my job as a father well, it won’t be long until I’m known as Turner’s dad, no matter what area he decides to pursue. Whether that is a blessing or not will largely depend on how seriously I take my role as a spiritual leader.

Turner is my boy, and I’m so thankful for him. But his innocent 3-year-old face is a constant reminder that I won’t live forever, so I must take my role as a father seriously.

May God bless each of us who is a father with that realization, and with the wisdom needed to do our work well.

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