A Flood of Memories
Very recently our congregation hosted a seminar entitled “Facing Dreaded Diseases with Faith.” Ron and Don Williams came and held a series of classes designed to help anyone who attended be better equipped should you find yourself or a loved one in this position.
I benefitted greatly from the sessions I attended, and learned much about not only the diseases, but also about how to handle these diseases.
However, I had another reaction. Listening to all of the advice for the caregivers of those loved ones opened up my memory banks and brought back some feelings I had kept inside for quite some time. I hope that sharing with you those memories and thoughts about that time in my life will be helpful to someone who may be going through it now.
One of the first things that came rushing back into my mind was that uncomfortable feeling I had when I realized that I had become the “parent” to my parents. I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but at some point in the decline of their health journey, I became the person they leaned upon to provide for their needs. I made the decisions, took them to appointments, bought their medicine, and made sure they had the things they needed. My presence provided the comfort and security they needed. All of those years of them caring for me in every way was reversed and it was now my turn. I pray I was the right kind of “parent” to them.
Another memory dealt with the frailty of their bodies. The older I get, the more I understand how our bodies decline. I was flooded with memories of lifting my father from his wheelchair to a standing position, transferring him on his one leg, and placing him in the car so I could take him to a doctor’s appointment. My memory bank pulled up a picture of my sweet little mother on her walker as she struggled to get from one place to another in the assisted living home. Oh, how I pray that I was gentle with them as I helped them with these struggles.
My mother was a pristine lady in her dress. She always looked pressed and polished, and I admired that so much about her. As her health and memory declined, it began to show in how she dressed. I remembered on one particular Sunday morning when I went to pick her up to attend church, she had on a skirt to one of her lovely suits. However, instead of the jacket to the suit, she had on one of her lovely dresses over the skirt. She was sitting by the front door ready to go when I noticed the mistake. We made our way back to her apartment and quickly took off the skirt and left the dress for her to wear that day. Oh, how I hope I was gentle with her feelings and kind to her about her mistake.
The memory that caused me to shed some tears at the seminar had to do with the end stage of life. It was mentioned in one of the sessions on dementia that the person will often repeat the same thing over and over again. The statement mentioned in the session was, “I just want to go home.” My sweet mother said those exact words over and over again. At first, I thought she meant the home she and my father had shared, and I would gently remind her that they had sold that house. I asked her if she meant the state of North Carolina, the home of her birth. She usually responded with, “I just want to go home.” It took me a while, but I finally realized that she meant her home in heaven. She was ready. Oh, how I hope I will always remember that where she wanted to be is the same place I want to be.
I’m grateful for the seminar we had. I’m grateful for the things I learned that will help me in dealing with these realities of life. But I think I’m most grateful for the flood of memories it brought back to me. They were a reminder of a time in my life when I was in training for what I would go through one day should I have to deal with any of those diseases or dementia. I know what to look for.
More importantly, I know how to respond to those for whom I care – with love, kindness, gentleness, and hope of a better home.
“Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise)…” (Eph. 6:2)
“So, whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them…” (Matt. 7:12)
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AUTHOR: Donna Faughn
