Bah-Humbug! The Five Worst Christmas Songs
After Thanksgiving passes, we listen to Christmas music … a lot.
In fact, we pretty much keep our radios set on stations that play only Christmas music. So, I do not avoid these tunes.
However, just because a song talks about Christmas, winter, snow, or other related topics doesn’t mean I have to like it. There are some holiday songs that I really look forward to hearing, but there are others that are absolutely awful.
So, I’m presenting my five least favorite. Here are my criteria:
First, the song has to be in regular rotation. In other words, it’s not just some song that someone wrote about the holidays. It has to be one that is known widely.
Second, I am only including non-religious songs. There are some religious Christmas songs that I don’t like that much either, but this list is just for fun, so I’m not going there.
Third, it has to be a song that I just can’t get out of my head even though I hate it.
Now, I know I’m going to take some heat for these, but I can’t stand these songs. Enjoy the list, and yes, I included the videos so you could get your cheesy Christmas music fix!
————————————
BONUS: “Sleigh Ride” by anyone who just does the instrumental
I had to expand the list to include this song for one simple reason. Anytime I hear the orchestral version of this song, it makes me think of a mall. Any song that forces me to think of shopping goes on the list.
————————————————-
5. “Wonderful Christmas Time (All the Best!)” by Paul McCartney
I know: you’re amazed that I would include anything associated with the Beatles on a “worst anything” list, but this song is just horrible. I know the music pretty much fits the era, but it is about as cheesy as it gets. Sir Paul often gets a pass, but I have no idea what he was thinking with this song.
————————————————-
4. “Christmas Shoes” by Newsong
Okay, so I said there would be no religious songs on here, but there is no way to leave this song off the list. Let’s see if we can get every stereotype of a bad song in five minutes. Sappy story? Check. Death? Sure. Tugging at the heart of a crotchety adult? You bet. A long song? Yep.
I know putting this song on the list makes me look heartless, but this song is so far off the charts of sappiness that the chart can’t even be seen anymore.
————————————————-
3. “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives
My sister’s jaw just dropped. Look, I know this is a holiday classic. I get that. My problem with this song is that Burl seems just a bit too interested in someone else kissing a girl under the mistletoe.
When Burl sings “kiss her once for me” he sounds like a pirate! Seriously (“kisserrrrrr”). I call this the pirate Christmas song, and it just gets all over me.
————————————————-
2. “Same Auld Lang Syne” by Dan Fogelberg
Why do stations play this horrible song. Not only is the song cheesy, it’s basically about getting drunk (which is why I didn’t include a video of it). The singer meets an old flame in a grocery store on Christmas Eve and they decide to go out for a drink. Since no bars are open, they just buy a six-pack and drink it in the car. Of course, this opens them up to telling about their bittersweet current situations. And then they kiss (did I mention the girl is married?)
This is just a terrible song all the way around.
————————————————-
1. “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano
In all seriousness, I could write a multi-page essay on how much I despise this song. I don’t mind that it is in Spanish, and I actually like Jose Feliciano’s voice.
However, there are two reasons why I can’t stand this song.
First, it is one verse. One! They just sing it over and over and over. I can just see the day this song was recorded. Jose walks into the studio and shows the people the lyrics. One of the guys says, “Um, sir, you only have one verse.” Jose says, “Yes, but it’s a good verse.” So, they just decide to sing it a million times until they have a 3-minute pop song.
Second, it sounds like a cheesy Mexican restaurant commercial. Seriously, if you think of a local Mexican dive’s commercials you could see them just taking the same tune and music and just singing about tacos or enchiladas. You have to admit, it would work. And, thanks to Taco John’s it’s been used for that (click only if you dare).
To give you some idea of how much I hate this song: I actually keep up each year with how many times I hear it, because I have noticed that the more times I hear it, the worse my Christmas is. Okay, maybe not, but it’s close. The most times I’ve ever heard this song in one holiday season was 11. The best was just one. If I could ever get through one season without this song, it would be (to quote Paul McCartney) “A Wonderful Christmas Time.” As of when I wrote this (late Monday night), I had already heard it 3 times, and it’s not December yet. Yikes.
So, just to torture you, here’s a live version of Jose singing his, um, “classic.” No, I didn’t listen to it. I muted my computer to avoid an unnecessary burning of ears.
——————————————-
17 Comments
Tim Mullican
I totally agree with your top 5, except for the bonus. Sleigh Ride is my favorite, but only the instrumental (orchestra version as well). We ended our Christmas concert every year in high school with Leroy Anderson’s Sleigh Ride. It brings back so many good memories of my time in the band.
Adam Faughn
Tim,
I actually like the song…I just cannot get the “mall” idea out of my head. Every time the song starts, all I can see in my mind are big doors opening to a huge shopping center….
….and I’m not a big shopping fan! 🙂
Adam
Charles Franks
I think “The Christmas Song” (often referred to as “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”) is the most arrogant (or delusional) name for a song ever. Who writes a Christmas song and decides it’s THE Christmas Song?
Also the full “Here Comes Santa Claus” gets me with the line “so hang your stockings and say your prayers, ’cause Santa Claus comes tonight.” Say your prayers? For Santa to bring you more stuff, or for him to not SLAUGHTER YOUR FAMILY IN YOUR SLEEP???
I’ll go now.
Auntie Am
Awesome. You made me laugh out loud with the multi-page essay comment. And, since I already knew about the “pirate” song, I’m not THAT shocked. Better get back to decorating …. don’t have even half my trees up yet. 🙂
Pingback:
Pingback:
Tim Mullican
Number 1 on my Worst Christmas Songs List, and really the only one I truly dislike is “Christmas Shoes”. Sorry, but I really hate that song!
Laura Lisbeth
FINALLY! Someone else who hates the song “Holly Jolly Christmas!” You are pretty much right on with the others, but I need to add that awful song about getting a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Excuse me just because you mention the word Christmas in a song shouldn’t make it a Christmas song (but apparently it does).
Daniel Dalp
I agree with #4!! Most depressing Christmas song ever!
Scott McCown
Can I please start a petition to ban “Happy Christmas / War is Over” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Listen to the words and the overtly sarcastic tone from an anti-Christian. Maybe my dislike for Lennon in his later years when he composes such diatribe as “Imagine” comes to readily to my mind to think that he and Yoko are serious about having a good Christmas. Here is a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8Vfp48laS8
Colleen
I think Christmas Shoes should have been #1. It’s my least favorite christmas song ever and is just so sad. I thought christmas songs were supposed to be joyful and put you in the christmas spirit. But christmas shoes does the opposite. It makes me want to cry. I like feliz navidad and holly jolly christmas. If you want a bad christmas song, listen to Domminick the Italian Christmas Donkey, War is Over or Daddy Don’t get Drunk on Christmas.
LeAnn Fitzgerald
I pretty much agree but I love Sleigh Ride. We played that in concert band every Christmas and I still hum the clarinet part in my head. I also like the Burl Ive’s song.. Rudolph is a fond child hood memory for me. The girls, sister and close friends often quote “ready Santa”, and eat PaPa eat is a biggie at our home at supper time!
As for Dan Fogleberg.. really! 100% agree. If I don’t sprain my wrist while quickly changing the station we sing along in the most ugly operatic voices we can come up with!
Ben Wiles
I really hope “Carol of the Bells” was #6. Seriously, the song sounds like it comes from the soundtrack of a Stephen King movie.
Speaking of horror, Christmas Shoes may be the worst song of any season, ever.
Tammy McCown
Last Christmas, Santa Baby, So This Is Christmas
I could give plenty of reasons but I think we all know why these should be on the list!
Pingback:
Keith LeSuer
I have to throw “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause” in there. Unless Mommy is single as a result of a scripturally justified divorce, she’s cheating on Daddy with a fat old man in a red suit.
Ralph
Please give consideration to “The Twelve Days Of Christmas!” The song is nauseatingly redundant and I get sick about the time the six geese start laying!