How to Build Oneness with Your Spouse

Last Friday, we wrote a post dealing with what it means when the Bible talks about “the two [becoming] one flesh.” If you have not read that post, take a moment and read it here.

The idea of becoming one is great, but the question we want to think about this week is, How can we do that? What can a couple do to build oneness?

In no particular order, here is a huge list of 51 ways to build oneness in a marriage.

1. Pray together.

2. Pray for one another.

3. Spend time daily in communication that is deeper than just surface-level stuff.

4. Learn more about a hobby that your spouse enjoys (fishing, sewing, etc.).

5. Read about marriage together.

6. Go on regular dates.

7. Reminisce.

8. Worship God together.

9. Don’t overschedule your lives. (If you don’t have time for your spouse, something needs to go.)

10. Never use sex. (It is not something to be used as a bargaining tool.)

11. Guys, keep your eyes on your wife at all times. (That includes when you are online.)

12. Ladies, keep your mind on your guy at all times. (Stop reading “fantasy” novels and make your guy your fantasy!)

13. Flirt.

14. Budget your money together each month. (Each spouse gets an equal vote each month.)

15. Communicate with every type of technology. I’m going to pause here for a minute. Please, please, please don’t get so used to texting that this is the only way your communicate with your husband or wife! Texting is a good tool, but you need to hear your spouse’s voice. If you are away for an extended period of time, look into Skype or Facetime. Use every possible communication tool to stay close.

16. Surprise him/her by doing one of “their” chores. (Cook supper, weed the garden, make the bed, wash the car, etc.)

17. Hold hands.

18. Give lots of non-sexual touches each day. (As Dave Ramsey puts it to guys, “Non-sexual means a touch that isn’t going anywhere.”)

19. Fight fairly. (You will argue at times, but that doesn’t give you the “right” to be cruel.)

20. Give thoughtful gifts. (They don’t have to be expensive. They just have to be from the heart.)

21. End every phone conversation and email with “I love you.”

22. Enjoy the sexual relationship often.

23. Only consume media that promotes healthy marriages.

24. Read the Bible together.

25. Listen to family-building programming. (I love FamilyLife Today via podcast.)

26. Read marriage-building websites and blogs. (My friend, Scott McCown, writes about marriage every Monday on his blog.)

27. Don’t be too proud to go to counseling.

28. Attend a marriage seminar/retreat.

29. Never allow anyone to speak disrespectfully of your spouse.

30. Always speak well of your spouse, whether he/she is around or not.

31. Allow your spouse to have full access to your email, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, etc. accounts.

32. Don’t hang around–in any way–someone your spouse isn’t comfortable with.

33. Don’t have debt. (You’ll be amazed at how oneness builds when you aren’t paying the banks!)

34. Dream about the future.

35. Discuss how to handle problems before you have them.

36. Think more of your wife than your fishing buddies.

37. Thine more of your husband than your coffee gals.

38. Guys, turn off the game.

39. Gals, turn on the game!

40. Love your children.

41. Allow zero disrespect from your children.

42. Learn places that are quiet. (Far too many restaurants aren’t really a good place to have quiet conversation.)

43. Cards, candy, flowers…they really do mean something.

44. So do baseball cards, hockey tickets, and fishing gear!

45. Renew your vows.

46. Mentor a younger couple.

47. When you go on a date, turn off the cell phone. (At least don’t check all your apps!)

48. Look into his/her eyes deeply…just like you used to.

49. Smile a lot.

50. Did I mention prayer?

51. Finally, do ALL of these ALL your life. Never tire of learning more about your spouse and of romancing him/her. It takes a real man and a real woman to build a life together.

QUESTION: What would you add?

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Photo credit: Jan Tik on Flickr creative commons