When a Loved One Leaves the Faith

[Editor’s Note: Today’s post is a guest article from Kathy Pollard, who recently published the book Return to Me. You can learn more about Kathy and this great book after today’s post. We thank her for sharing today’s article.]

“…Fight the good fight, keeping faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith” (1 Timothy 1:18,19).

Some have rejected the faith and suffered shipwreck. How many? I don’t know. But I do know that for every wayward Christian, there is a bewildered family floundering in the wake. If you have a loved one who has turned away from God, you are not alone. The next time you go to worship, look down the pew on either side of you, the pew in front of you, and the pew behind you. You will most likely find that you are surrounded by Christians who are praying for wayward family members.   

Paul gave Timothy some inspired, helpful advice for how to conduct himself in the house of God (1 Tim. 3:15). Timothy was laboring among the Christians at Ephesus, some of whom had strayed from the faith (1 Tim. 1:5,6). Notice three ways in which Paul encouraged Timothy in 1 Tim. 1:18:

First, fight the good fight. When a loved one leaves the faith, you must continue to stand for the Truth. You may be tempted to adapt your beliefs to the wayward’s situation, but you would not be doing your loved one any favors. Only the Truth saves. Paul told Timothy that some would “depart from the faith by giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons” (1 Tim. 4:1). To stay strong and clear-minded, Timothy would need to “give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine” (1 Tim. 4:13). The Scripture is what has the power to equip you for every good work (2 Tim. 3:16, 17).

Paul also told Timothy how to fight the good fight. “Preach the word!  Be ready in season and out of season.  Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all long-suffering and teaching” (2 Tim. 4:2). Prepare yourself to share the Word with your loved one. Patiently convince and teach and then convince and teach some more.

Second, keep the faith. “But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Jesus Christ” (2 Tim. 3:14,15). Paul told Timothy to make sure his own faith remained strong even though others had “turned their ears away from the truth” (2 Tim. 4:4). 

Some really struggle spiritually when a loved one falls away. Make sure your faith is tied to your Lord and not to your loved one. Anchor yourself by continuing to study and grow so you won’t find yourself beginning to sink.

Third, keep a good conscience. Your own conduct will be under greater scrutiny as you reach out to a wayward loved one. Any unrighteous behavior or attitude on your part will only be used against you or as an excuse for the wayward to continue their lifestyle. Paul told Timothy, “Exercise yourself toward godliness” (1 Tim. 4:7), and “Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you” (1 Tim. 4:16).

You may be frustrated with your loved one for their foolish choices. You may be hurt by their selfishness. But keep a good conscience by choosing your words carefully, watching your tone, and controlling your temper. Make sure your own conduct is righteous as you reach out to the one whose conduct isn’t. Paul told Timothy to be an example “in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Tim 4:12).

Even though your loved one is the one who has fallen away, why should you have to be the one to work so hard fighting the good fight, keeping the faith, and keeping a good conscience? Because you “trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men” (1 Tim. 4:10). May God be with you and strengthen you as you reach out to those you love.

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Kathy Pollard lives in Denver, Colorado. She is married to Neal, and they have three sons. She is the author of the recently-released book Return to Me: What to Do When Loved Ones Fall Away. You can find out more about the book, and order a copy from ReturnToMeBook.com.

Also, you will want to frequent, or subscribe to, Kathy’s blog, Life and Favor. You can check that out here.