Purity Week Post #3 : 5 Dont’s of Marital Intimacy

Wlcome to “Purity Week.” Our goal for this week is to share with you four posts that deal with sexuality and purity.

Here are the previous posts: #1 “Ivory Soap Isn’t Good Enough

#2 Purity Starts in the Mind

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So far in Purity Week, we have spoken about purity–or, rather, impurity–outside of marriage. But this emphasis, if we are not careful, can lead us to think of the sexual relationship as something dirty or bad.

God designed the sexual relationship as a beautiful expression of love, connection, and passion between a husband and wife. When expressed and enjoyed within the marriage context, “the bed [is] undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). There is great purity in the sexual union when expressed within the marriage covenant. It is not dirty or bad; rather, it is pure and even holy.

As wonderful as the sexual union is, though, there are still ways within marriage that we can struggle to hold intimacy in proper view. Just getting married does not remove all the difficulties from sex.

So today, we want to share five don’ts for husbands and wives as it pertains to sexual intimacy.

1. Don’t use sex as a tool of manipulation. Because this relationship is so powerful, it can be tempting to offer it as an incentive for doing something else. I’m not saying that’s wrong, but it can lead down a very slippery path, if we aren’t careful. Sex can become nothing more than a bargaining chip. The sexual union is meant to be a selfless expression of love and passion, not something I earn or, worse, “buy” through my efforts.

2. Don’t withhold sex without communication. Paul wrote about this is I Corinthians 7:4-5. It is fine, and maybe a very good practice at times, to forgo this relationship to spend more time devoted to God. But communication needs to be part of this exercise. Far too many husbands or wives say “no” far too often without giving a spiritual reason. This is dangerous.

3. Don’t have a worldly standard of sex. “Was that good?” is not really a proper question for a Christian couple in the bedroom. The world has made sex something to be graded or put on some type of mental scoreboard. A Christian couple knows that this cheapens and degrades the joy of learning how to please a spouse over many years of marriage.

4. Don’t take personal bedroom issues into public conversations. I am amazed and appalled at how open people are with things that should remain private. I am not saying that a couple must avoid counseling if there is an issue, even a sexual issue. What I am saying is that, by talking about your sexual lives, both the positives and negatives, in a public and specific manner, you are inviting minds and possibly hearts into that part of your marriage that have no right to be there. Further, if there is a negative issue, you are possibly shaming or even degrading your spouse.

5. Don’t build your marriage on sex. It won’t last long, or it surely won’t be the marriage you truly desire. If the only reason you desire marriage is for sex, you need to look at your self-control issues. Yes, it is a wonderful part of marriage, but it only a part.

Tomorrow, we will finish our Purity Week with some “Do’s.” Hope you’ll be with us!

QUESTION: What are some other don’ts of marital intimacy?

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Photo credit: firemedic58 on Creative Commons

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