Thinking the Best of Others…When Grieving
Grief is a fickle subject. No two people grieve the same way, either in length or intensity. Some are more quiet than others. Some want to be more alone while others need almost constant companionship. Some are confused when they grieve the loss of a job or pet more than the loss of a family member. There is just no way to know how someone else is grieving.
But this post is for those who are grieving–or will sometime in their life, which is all of us. We will all face a loss–to death, of a job, of a marriage, through a major surgery, from an illness, or in other ways–that will cause us to grieve. When that occurs, we will struggle with a lot of things beyond just the loss itself.
One of those areas in which grieving people often struggle is with some of the attributes of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. It can be a difficulty to not question those who are helping you grieve (or who you feel are not helping enough…or in the right ways) when they may be doing the best they know how.
For example, one of the attributes of love in that chapter is that love “believes all things” (verse 7). As you have likely heard said before, that does not mean that love is gullible. Instead, the idea is that love believes what is best in other people. Basically, this type of love is not looking for reasons to think less of other people.
Now, put that in the life of one who is going through grief. Other people struggle as well, because they are trying to think through how help, how often to help, what actually IS “help,” and doing all that while balancing their own lives, as well.
However, the one who is hurting may see what someone does not do–or may see how “this” person did “this” specific thing but another person did not–and begin to think less of “this” person. All the while, though, “this” person may be doing the very best they know how to help. Maybe they didn’t show up for the funeral, but they weren’t feeling well and spent the entire time in deep prayer. Maybe they didn’t stop by the house, but they anonymously had an elder give you some money to help buy some food.
Certainly, we should give a lot of grace to those who are grieving. Emotions are all over the place, and deep grief often clouds our thinking when we are in grief.
However, those who are grieving also need to give some grace. If we are going to be people of love, we have to believe that our fellow Christians are doing the best they can in the best ways they know how. Believe the best because love demands it, but also because God’s people really are the best!
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AUTHOR: Adam Faughn
