What Can I Do To Improve Communication
I read recently that, since the 1970’s, over two thousand lives have been lost in airplane crashes due to poor communication. At times, the breakdown occurred between pilots and people in the towers. At other times, the problem was poor communication between members of the crew on the airplane. There were also problems of communication between and among two or more airplanes. Other barriers, mistakes, and weaknesses could have – and did – contribute to these tragedies.
As I read that information, I thought about other tragedies caused by either a lack of communication, poor communication, or both. I thought of families that have been torn apart, churches that have split, friendships that have been irreparably damaged, communities that have been torn apart, and any number of other negative things that might have been avoided if there had been better communication.
As I read and reflected on all of that, I began to do some self-examination. I began to ask myself what I could do to improve my communication with people with whom I come into contact. I specifically began to wonder what I could do to improve my relationships with my family, my church family, my neighbors, and others about whom I truly care.
While the things I came up with are, in no way, the “last word” on the subject, they have given me plenty to consider – and work on. Maybe they will help you as well.
Here, then, are some things I can do.
Initiate
Am I the type of person who waits for somebody else to initiate a conversation? If I am one of those people, I might find out how much I would learn if I’d start initiating conversations.
I’ve had a lot of pleasant conversations with people at Walmart or the grocery that began because I had no idea where I could find a certain item (which is most of the time). I’ve also found out all sorts of interesting information by “striking up a conversation” with people as we stand in line to “make our donation” to the place of business.
What about those instances in which there is some sort of fracture in one or more of my relationships? Do I wait for other people to come to me in order to try to work things out? Why shouldn’t I combine the Lord’s instructions as found in Matthew 5:23-24 and 18:15-17 and be the one to initiate a conversation that would lead to reconciliation?
Be Intentional
In order for there to be good communication, I need to have a desire for that to be the case. If my relationships with others is a priority, I will take the steps necessary to communicate well. If not, I won’t. It’s just that simple
Investigate
If there is a problem in a relationship, I might need to do some “detective work” in order to see where the problem lies. To my surprise, I may find out that it lies with me.
If there is no perceived problem in a relationship, it would still be helpful to find resources that will help me to communicate as well as I can.
Identify
In some ways, this may be a kind of corollary to the last point. I don’t need to investigate merely for the sake of investigating. I need to identify some areas where I can use some growth. At the same time, I may find some areas of strength. Either way (or both ways), it would be helpful to have as much information as possible.
Itemize
Here’s another corollary. In fact it is a corollary to both of the last two points. I need to find specific strengths, weaknesses, etc. I need to find out specifically what the needs, desires, likes, dislikes, etc. are of the people with whom I am attempting to communicate.
How many times have you gone to the doctor and had the experience of him or her being satisfied with “I just don’t feel good?” Do they not want us to be a lot more specific than that? Do they not ask questions designed to get to the specific issue? Could we not learn something from that?
Demonstrate Interest
If you are talking with me and I’m looking at my phone, watching television, or if my body language suggests that I’ve already “checked out” (if I ever checked in) or that my mind is “a million miles away,” it doesn’t take you long to figure out that there is not much communicating going on.
Whether we refer to it as “eye contact,” “focus,” “active listening,” or some other designation, there needs to be a genuine interest in both the person/people with whom I am trying to communicate and in the subject(s) being discussed.
It is said of one of our former presidents that he had a way of walking into a crowded room and making each person with whom he came into contact feel like he/she was the only person in the room. It is little wonder that he was elected to the highest office in our nation.
Use I statements
This is especially necessary if/when there is an area of disagreement between another person and me. As soon (or if) I say the word “you” I put the other person on the defensive. If I really want to make matters worse, I will point a finger at the other person or find another method of intimidation.
It would be much, much better for me to explain the situation from my perspective and inform the other person how I was or am affected by it.
Improve
I can think of no area of my life in which I feel like I have “arrived.” I would be smart if I had the attitude of the apostle Paul, when, he wrote, in effect, that he was not where he wanted to be and that he was continuing to press on (cf. Phil. 3:12-14).
Invest
It should be obvious that, in order to have good communication, there needs to be an investment of such things as time and energy. However, that is not what I primarily have in mind here.
What I have in mind here refers to something else I read recently. The material I was reading said that couples who are happily married give and receive an average of five positive comments to one negative comment. It seems to me that five positive comments would be a good investment. Don’t you agree?
Implement
Our oldest grandson studied the material his state requires in order to obtain a license to drive and has passed the written exam. He has been driving for a few years now. His younger brother has also studied the material and has passed the written exam, but does yet have a license to drive.
What’s the difference between these two siblings? The answer is actually fairly simple. The older brother has implemented what he learned and demonstrated the ability to operate a vehicle. The younger brother has not yet done that.
Similarly, I can read books, listen to audio material, attend seminars, and obtain all kinds of information that is designed to improve communications skills. The truth is that all of the material in the world does me no good until and unless I actually implement it.
There you have it. There are some of the things that I realize that I can do to improve communication. Your list may be longer, shorter, or totally different from mine, but I’m guessing that there is something you can do as well.
Am I right?
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AUTHOR: Jim Faughn
