When You’re Hurting, Watch Out For…
Sadly, in our world, people get hurt. There are some who, for whatever reason, are out to hurt other people, but for the most part, people just get hurt by a word said at the wrong time or someone not knowing any better. Typically, we are hurt by people who do not mean to hurt us, but it still stings.
When that happens, there are a lot of dangers we must watch out for. When our heart is hurting, we can be in very dangerous territory. Our enemy, the devil, knows that we are vulnerable and will use any means necessary to place temptations before us.
There are many ways he does this, but I want to share just one with you that I feel can be one of the most dangerous. The reason is that it feeds on itself if left unchecked. In other words, it just grows and grows and will lead us to a very dark and bitter place.
What is it?
Finding more of what hurt you.
I tell people sometimes that “you find what you are looking for.” Generally, I have found that to be true, both good and bad. But when we are hurting, it is a dangerous way to live, because you can typically find more of what hurt you if you just look for it. And, at times, we are so hurt by something that we are looking for a reason (or, more often, an excuse) to show how bad things are and why we are right, or even why we should sever the relationship.
For example…
- If I think that someone is lazy at work and it makes me upset, I might be tempted to look for even the tiniest little “break” they take–even if it’s legitimate–to prove my point.
- If I have a problem with how the eldership at church deals with something major (maybe such as handling covid reopenings), I will nitpick every detail simply because I disagreed initially with one detail just to prove how “wrong” they are.
- If I am having issues with my spouse in dealing with finances, I will look for every single penny to try to “prove” how they have no idea to manage money properly.
- If I think I see even a hint of racism in how someone acts, I will parse every word and take note of every single action trying to show why that person really is a racist.
Who would want to live this way? And, yet, how many of us do! If we feel slighted in the least, if we are not careful, we start looking for more “reasons” why we are hurt and that none of it could ever possibly be our fault. We become hypercritical and bitter, and we hold people to an impossible standard just to make ourselves look right.
Might there be some truth to it? Sure. But, if we are honest, most of the time, we are hurt by someone or someones who make an honest mistake, often out of a heart of good intentions. But then, when our “hurt” is unchecked, we turn that hurt on them, trying to prove how terrible they really are and how downtrodden and oppressed we really are.
Instead, why not go to that person and express why you are hurting? Help that person see what was said or done that hurt you. If they have a good heart–which they probably do–they will be sorry and want to make things right. And you won’t feel like you have to live your life looking for every mistake and slight to prove some point.
The old saying “hurt people, hurt people” is true, and sometimes hurt people end up trying to bring other people down through anger, bitterness, slander, and worse just to prove a point.
When you are hurting, be careful you don’t fall into that trap. You just might save a relationship, a family, a congregation, or even an entire country.
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AUTHOR: Adam Faughn
