You Can’t Do It for Them
Donna sometimes tells about an incident that dates back to the days very early in our marriage when both of us taught in a public high school. She had given her class an assignment and had refused to accept what one boy turned in. The reason for the rejection (and the failing grade) was that the boy had submitted something that was very inappropriate.
When the boy’s mother learned about this, she called Donna and let her know (in no uncertain terms), “I’ll have you know, that I did that assignment.” I suppose that she thought this would give some sort of legitimacy to her son’s project, could “bully” Donna into changing her mind, could show her authority as a parent, or something.
I also suppose that the mother did not know Donna very well (if at all). Donna’s reaction was that she could write the mother’s name in the gradebook and give her the “F”!!
I am fairly certain that this mother was like most parents. She probably did not want her son to fail. Unlike a parent who takes the time to consider long-term consequences, though, this mother found what she thought was a quick and easy solution to a short-term issue. She learned, however, that “quick and easy” may not always work out well in the long run.
Sadly, it seems to me that some parents fall into the same trap as the mother involved in the incident described above. These parents think that they are helping their children by doing for the children what is the responsibility of those children.
Parents can and should do a lot of things to help their children mature into responsible and productive adults. Parents are crippling their children in so many ways, however, if they actually do whatever it is that their children should and can do. A temporary “fix” to a seemingly small problem may cause many huge problems and have huge consequences later on.
The incident involving the rejected assignment took place at the same high school from which both Donna and I had graduated. When we were students, there were times when it would have been very appropriate for our parents to have been there with us – or maybe even instead of us.
Can you even begin to imagine the reaction, though, if the two of us as teachers had sent our parents to teach for us or had asked them to accompany us into our classrooms? As teachers, it was time for the two of us to (as the saying goes) “stand on our own two feet.” That could never have happened if our parents had done all of the work required of us to receive the diploma and certification that we had received.
All of this sounds to me very much like a biblical concept. Consider this verse and notice especially the words I’ve chosen to emphasize:
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil (2 Cor. 5:10, ESV).
I’m afraid that there are some parents who have created (or are in the process of creating) an environment in which it is difficult, if not almost impossible, for their children to develop a faith of their own. I think that it might be a good idea for those parents to consider at least a couple of things.
First, pushing is not leading. All too often, pushing results in pushback or total rejection. We might need to remember that Jesus said, “And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself” (John 12:12 ESV, emphasis added).
Second, doing lessons, service projects, Bible studies, etc. for children instead of with children is, at best, counterproductive. At worst, it is destructive. What may appear to be a solution to a short-term issue may have consequences that are much, much more serious than one bad grade on one report card in one class in one school.
You can’t become a Christian, be a faithful servant of the Lord, or even go to heaven for your children. Any attempt to do any of those things can result in frustration – or worse.
You can, however, teach your children how to become a Christian. With His help, you can also let them observe what the life of a Christian is like. Hopefully, they get to observe how a Christian handles things like disappointment, failure, rejection, heartache, etc. Your children will learn soon enough that Christians are not immune from these things. They will also learn sooner or later that their parents either cannot or will not “fix things” or “run interference” for them.
While there are things that Christian parents cannot and/or should not do for their children, there are many things that can be done with them as they grow and mature. The eternal consequence of that would be that experiencing heaven with them.
It’s difficult to imagine anything better than that!
AUTHOR: Jim Faughn
